the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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