In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
