The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
