So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
