yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
