Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
