Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
