if i can run in heels then i can drive
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
