oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
