how can u be prego again
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
