Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
