I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
