I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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