sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I love having hate sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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