Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
