Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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