I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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