The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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