It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize