You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I supernannyed him into submission
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
