i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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