you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
