I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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