oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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