Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
