can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
