Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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