oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
