My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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