i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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