Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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