oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
