ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
40s are totally the cure
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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