East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
