So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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