I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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