So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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