I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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