ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
