I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
