Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
