I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
