just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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