Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
