hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
