hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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