the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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