I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
