sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
