and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
