how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
