if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
