The maid of honor just puked.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
