one might say we're banned from that church
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
