Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
