You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
