i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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