I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
