We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
