I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
