i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
