i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
