Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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