My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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