I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
