that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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